And the older blue haired lady from Borger turns to us, and asks, "Is the dentist black?"

So Brian made me promise to let him tell the story on his vox (we should get a joint vox, just get it over with) but he's passed out from having his teeth ripped out, so I'm doing it first! TAKE THAT FAT MAN! TAKE IT!

If I could take a picture of him right now without him breaking my laptop when he woke up I would, he looks like a little-big man-cherub. If cherubs were 6'3 and 350lbs, that is, he'd be a cherub.

Anyway, back to the story!

Brian has been bothering me for awhile, and his teeth were annoying him. For the last year, once a week, maybe less depending on the phase of the moon, he'd make the pilgrimage to Walgreens to buy Oragel. Constantly, I'd ask, "Why don't you just go to the dentist and get your teeth ripped out of your head?" "It's fucking pricey", he'd reply, and after the seventh or eighth time, I just quit asking. I haven't seen a dentist except for that one time in the eighth grade, so I really have no room to talk anyway.

But when your teeth split apart when you're brushing them, it makes a man want to go to the dentist, and when you live in podunk, texas where they'll pull a tooth for sixty bucks, you've got no reason not to. My friend Tereza loves this cheap guy, says he's great. I remember visiting the same place when I was five screaming "We're hitch hiking!" because we were walking like the guy on the tv show, while my mom kept slapping me upside the head screaming back "We are not hitch hiking, we're walking, we're respectable people!"

Anyway Tiffany took us and stuck around in case Brian had all four removed and got woozy and crazy from Novacane. We sat out there waiting for them to call Brian back, staring at the large red signs (why didn't I take pictures?!) that screamed "No Billing, No Credit!". The door had a Visa logo on it, so I was quite confused. The ladies up front weren't very polite so I was afraid to ask if they accepted Visa or if it was just there to add color to the door.

A little old lady is sitting beside Tiffany, and starts talking to her, asking us all if we'd had work done here before. I told her no, but my friend had, and she has nice looking teeth. So I start bugging Brian about something and she says something and Tiff jabs me kinda hard, "She is talking to you." I look at her and ask her what it was. "Sorry to ask, but do you know if the dentist is black? You know, being prices here are alot cheaper than other places." I just started laughing. Jesus fucking christ!

"No, ma'am, I don't really know." She got defensive at my evil laughter, "It doesn't really matter to me, I was just wondering because it was so cheap." Brian's head is turned away, I know that evil bastard is laughing at the door. I know it's mean to be disrespectful to your elders, but good lord! Borger is to the north and home of Cory, the ball-less (literally, the guy had no balls, or shattered balls, I couldn't tell) taco smelling guy I went out on a "date" with, but it has atleast 8,000 people in it. How can you ask a question in this day and age about someone being black or white or green or yellow? I'd let a one legged prostitute with a dentist license pull out my teeth for the prices they've got!

If that wasn't enough, she went and sat across from us. I had found my labret ring in my hoodie pocket earlier that morning, and popped it in for fun. She started asking me about my lip. "It makes me want to just come over there and wipe it away! I've never seen one like that." She reminded me of my grandma, the crazy old lady who never baked me a single cookie who told me to get off my lazy ass and finish college already. So my heart warmed to the anachronism. We are products of our time aren't we?

So Brian had his teeth yanked from his head finally, and they took the credit card (whew! I'm glad we didn't have to run to an atm for 150$) and went to see Tiffany's kid's dad Doug. He's like 38 (I think he's gotta be older than that man, he looked like a REAL albino santa out there ringing the bell for the Salvation Army).

BUT! Did you know that for $11 you can get 28 penacillin without insurance?! Holy fucking shit man! I've paid more than that on a copay when I had insurance for that! They looked at us funny when we didn't want the pain killers. Sixty-five dollars for 15 seems a little steep doesn't it? I don't know how Anna can feed her habit. No wonder they can't pay for food when her brother even covers their rent.

Anyway, that was the fantastic dental adventure! When we got home I sipped my Caramel Frappachino that Brian got me into while he tapped the Pink Panther theme on my belly and fell asleep. Tomorrow will even be more exciting, the Abominable Yeti will attempt to eat a Golden Corral Thanksgiving meal with his back teeth missing, and the evil blonde child will be flinging cantelope!